The thread
US forensic scientist Dr John McDowell says the small Nazca mummies are NOT REAL has lead on to discussion of this
steaming pile of challenging piece of research (click for link),
BIOMETRIC MORPHO-ANATOMICAL CHARACTERIZATION AND DATING OF THE ANTIQUITY OF A TRIDACTYL HUMANOID SPECIMEN: REGARDING THE CASE OF NASCA-PERU,
published in the Revista de Gestão Social e Ambiental (The Environmental and Social Management Journal).
It was perhaps inevitable that this extraordinary, um, research would encourage similar efforts:
BIOMETRIC MORPHO-ANATOMICAL CHARACTERIZATION AND DATING OF THE ANTIQUITY OF A QUADRADACTYL HUMANOID SPECIMEN: REGARDING THE CASE OF GREENDALE-PENCASTER
Reginald Huaquero-Eccentrico
Bodger Zookeeper-Ossuary
Vladimir Dracula-Canine
Chacal Root-Canal
David Mentolado Cigarrillo
Edwin Sangria-Molar
Background
Our colleagues Hernàndez-Huaripaucar, Zúñiga-Avilés et al. (2024) have transformed our understanding of biology, pre-Columbian American culture
and the likelihood of intelligent extraterrestrial life living on Earth with their revolutionary paper, demonstrating just how far-reaching and flexible a science dentistry is.
As is the case with paradigm shifts, there has been some resistance to this work, see the spin-off journal
Revista de Gestão Social e Ambiental: Refutations, Statements of Concern, Demands for Withdrawal (Established May 2024)
Vols. I (27 May 2024) - XXVII (11 June 2024).
However, inspired by the Nazca study we have reproduced its methodology in our study of a quadradactyl specimen reportedly discovered in the Greendale/ Pencaster area, England: The location has proved difficult to locate on a map, suggestive of a cover-up. Locals have been largely unhelpful in helping us identify the site, perhaps due to long-held taboos.
Unlike the case of the Nazca humanoid, we have unearthed a trove of filmed footage apparently capturing our specimen, and other quadradactyls, going about their lives.
This would appear to provide a limit to the age of the specimen; we suspect it dates from the Holocene.
References to the specimen from folk sources refer to "Plasticine", "Pleistocene" in their dialect? If so, that is too early.
We believe it is 99.99% likely to be post-glaciation; 99.98% 1981 or later.
In line with local custom, we have called our specimen "
Postman Pat", after a beloved mythical figure who would travel the community in ceremonial garb carrying messages.
There is evidence of a cult attempting to continue this tradition.
Without the hallowed clothing of yore, and with few real messages to deliver, they instead post paper litter through people's doors. Part of their ritualised behaviour is that should they sight a dog of any form- say, a small Pomeranian terrier looking through a window- they recoil in terror as if a pack of Dire Wolves had scented their blood.
Description
Note the obvious quadradactyl anatomy.
Like the Nazca mummy, skull shape appears to diverge from that of standard populations:
(Representative human, left; Greendale specimen, right).
Comparing skull dimensions, we referred to the 1890s tables of Major Whyte Cypress-Emory, late of the Papua New Guinea Colonial Police And Native Dental Service. Unaccountably out of print since 1939, his invaluable
Ed: That's more than enough, thank you. You're accepted for the next issue of "Unreproducible Archaeology and Sociocultural Guesswork". J. Barnum Charlatan, Editor.