https://www.politico.com/news/2021/01/21/national-guard-troops-vacate-capitol-461220
Headline
Military Operation Inefficient, Soldiers Experience Minor Inconvenience
Flash! On a quiet newsday, reporters in search of a story, sift through a number of people until they can find some of them who will give them quotations that will make it seem that a normal situation is actually a crisis, as they ignore the people who aren't complaining.
"I'm cold," says a National Guardsman. "Me too," says another. "I hate officers, says," a third. "And politicians too. They suck." "It's not just me who's complaining. Everyone is!" says another. "Yeah," says the guy standing next to him.
In a hasty phoner, military historian John Smith says, "This example of military inefficiency is absolutely unprecedented. I can't think of a single instance in history in which troops have experienced this kind of minor discomfort. It's incredibly significant that these soldiers are grumbling about officers and politicians. I think we're on the edge of war."
Meanwhile, posturing politicians offer mock outrage. "Why, this is outrageous!" says a Senator, in mock outrage. "I was once also a National Guardsman." "We've got to get to the bottom of this," says another Senator, as he raises a single finger in the air in front of a news photographer. "They're welcome to stay in my office!" he thunders, as heavy jowls quiver in an extended harrumph. "I also say, harrumph," says another, hastily. He then turns away and goes back to work as reporter hurries to be first to file non-story. "Oh, boy, he says. "This non-story will advance my career a few millimeters... I think. That Pulitzer is all mine now."