i dont pause after "use", so no comma. and the colon can be replaced with "that". (i know this because i most often leave out my "that" and have to go back and add it ins o my sentences make more sense.)
They just never quite broke it big, did they? Kinda like the local '80s punk band Vomit Launch around here. I'm sure they vomited, but never managed to really launch.
Mark Zuckerberg has only neutral feelings toward Peppa Pig, who he understands is a fictional character, and he blames the coronavirus pandemic on other factors.
Well it’s that time of the year.
Bigfoot is safely ensconced in the tree, and the dinosaur down the street is feeling festive.
It occurred to me, that sadly, once again Santa will probably be debunked this year. It’ll turn out that it was just somebody, usually one’s parents, just participating in a culturally prescribed way and maintaining the age old myth about a semi-omniscient arbiter of behavior bearing rewards.
But it also occurred to me, that perhaps this year I could conduct a bit of an experiment to settle the issue of Santa once and for all. The idea came to me when I noticed this official Santa postal box up in town.
Thus, I prepared the following letter for Santa:
Dear Mr. Santa,
I would like to say upfront, that despite a level of belief in my youth, I have come to be very skeptical of your existence in adulthood. However, as skeptics such as myself are often accused of being closed minded, I am willing to give you the benefit of doubt and give you an opportunity to come out form the mists of mythology and confirm the main claims that surround you.
The central claims being:
Through some form of omniscients or other psy powers, you are able to make moral assessments of strangers behavior whilst ensconced somewhere above the arctic circle. In short “you know when someone has been naughty or nice”.
Those who’s behavior has been adjudicated in the positive, may request items from you. That is, good kids receive presents from you.
The aforementioned requested gifts are then transported, by some as yet unknown means of warping time and space, to the requestees at their locals on December 24 or possibly Boxing Day if one is in Canada.
You claim to deliver requested gifts on Christmas Eve to people that have been good.
At this point we’ll dispense with other ancillary claims involving flying cervids, an elven workforce and other such claims.
There is no need for me to list my “good” behaviors from the past year, as you're all ready aware by means of your powers.
As I was good, I’ll be making the following request for delivery on Christmas morning.
One new 2022 Ford Bronco. Color and trim level to be determined by you, although the Sasquatch Package would be greatly appreciated. I’m looking forward to cooperation in this matter as you prove the claims associated with you.
Skeptically yours, NorCal Dave
Letter to Santa from NorCal Dave
Now of course some sort of control is needed here so I propose two as follows. First, I had my friend Mr. Johnson also write a letter requesting the same thing and Let’s just say his past year has been more challenging:
Mr. Santa,
When I was a kid I was told you can see if I’m being bad. If that’s the case you saw me get into a lot of shit this year. But my buddy Dave told me to ask you for a new Ford Bronco anyway so thanks.
Mr. Johnson
Letter to Santa from Mr. Johnson
Should we both receive Broncos or only Mr. Johnson receives one, there may some questions about how much Santa can discern one’s behavior.
Secondly will be all the Metabunk members that DID NOT ask Santa for a new Ford Bronco and yet end up with one anyway. If there is substantial number of members in this category, especially if it includes members outside of North America where the Bronco is available, it may be that whole idea of Santa is something applied to a series of random happenings.
As we await the results, I’ll take this opportunity to wish the Metabunk community:
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
Pleasant vaguely Pagan Winter Solstice Celebrations
Full Atheistic Bahh Humbug!
And, if not a COVID-less, at least a Less Covid New Year!
It occurred to me, that sadly, once again Santa will probably be debunked this year. It’ll turn out that it was just somebody, usually one’s parents, just participating in a culturally prescribed way and maintaining the age old myth about a semi-omniscient arbiter of behavior bearing rewards.
Thanks for the seasonal comment. It reminded me of a bit of related humour - a parody Conspiracy Theory Claim I have used on occasions for about 10 years. Are members aware that Santa Claus was responsible for the WTC Towers collapses on 9/11?
My claim is that the WTC collapses on 9/11 were caused by Santa's custard. Here is the explanation of the hypothesis:
Santa's sleigh had undergone a major overhaul including fitting of new runners. So it was decided to do a full dress rehearsal as a test run. The date 9/11 2001 was chosen.
The reindeer all in rank order led by Reindeer, Rudolph T. R. N. whose proboscis had been re-polished.
Santa in red outfit and took with him his usual meal of Christmas Pudding complete with custard**.
Over NYC Rudolph stumbled, jerked the sleigh and the custard off the pudding fell over the side - landed on three tall buildings in NYC.
The rest is technical history. Santa's custard caused three WTC collapses. PROVE ME WRONG##
_______________
Comments
It is better argued than most truther claims. Complete scenario, coherent reasoning etc. AND to date no truther has falsified it.
** For pedantic Brits - Excuse the bit of poetic license with "custard" - I'm writing for an international audience - I'm north of England born and I'm well aware what it should be.
## The obligatory "Reversal of Burden of DISproof" which is mandatory for ALL truther claims.
And I wrote it as a "Multi Purpose Parody" but the RBP aspect probably my main focus.
The impacts were 17 minutes apart, so it definitely did not happen like this.
But Santa has to be real. Kids all over the world receive presents on the same day, if they are being lied to, this would be a huge conspiracy as people all around the world would have to coordinate to secretly procure presents and distribute them all at the same time. A conspiracy on such a grand scale is unprecedented and simply unthinkable!
Now the angry old men say it was better back when
We used to keep the aspidistra flying
Now it may be the case that we can't change our fate
But there's surely no harm in trying?
But ten mysterious photos that can't be explained
Are draining away the best of my day
And fragments of songs that I never wrote
Are rotting in the pockets of my winter coat
Now the world wide web is a wonderful thing
You're just a click away from all of the facts
But there's a downside if you've a curious mind
It's like heroin for autodidacts
I've been down rabbit holes, I've seen the rabid trolls
Cackling in the twilight of the Age of Reason
One thing I've noticed as I get older
Common sense, like art, is in the eye of the beholder
Now the new breed of know nothings are flooding my screen
How they scare me, they're so goddam sure
They look like reasonable folks but the next thing you know
Is they're screaming "I don't want your cure!"
The conspiracy hacks, the cybercondriacs
Gripped by their fevered imagination
They've switched the filters off, too much is not enough
You know that you can overdose on information?
In the titular phrase, Orwell uses the aspidistra, a symbol of the stuffiness of middle-class society, in conjunction with the locution "to keep the flag (or colours) flying."[14] The title can thus be interpreted as a sarcastic exhortation in the sense of "Hooray for the middle class!"
Orwell also used the phrase in his previous novel A Clergyman's Daughter, where a character sings the words to the tune of the German national anthem.
Seriously though. I am convinced 3/4 of the folks over at Reddit/ufos are expecting JWST to supply us with these kind of "proof for alien life" images. Seriously.